~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The
ARKGroup (Adults Relating to Kids)
formerly The Children's Center for Self-Esteem
ARK 'N ACTION February 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in this issue
-- Being a Parent Is Not Easy, Is It?
-- Ways to Help Your Child Resolve Difficulties
-- Your Child's Friendships As Affected By Self-Discipline
-- Consider These Gift Opportunities
February winds began very cold and are now starting to mellow. The hint of Spring brings with it the spirit of renewal, redemption and hope. The ARKGroup staff and volunteers extend our appreciation for your feedback . We believe that one individual's story has the power to change our thinking and that many individual stories change our lives. We are deeply thankful for the changes to our lives that your gifts of stories have made. Your impact as teachers in public schools, churches and community centers is significant. YOU are the difference in the directions and life choices of many kids. YOU are our "true heros" and are our "best role models" for the 21st century. New Training DVDs are available: ARK Facilitator Training, The ARK Group Process and an Introduction to the Course hosted by Pat Summerall. Order yours today at www.thearkgroup.org. This excellent training guide will supplement the ARK lessons DVD's, manuals, workbooks, texts and advertising materials equipping you to begin ARK programs today. ARK programs are breakthrough parenting and teaching skills courses," Making ARKRelationships the norm for the 21st century family, church, school and community". | |
Being a Parent Is Not Easy, Is It? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  As a parent and grandparent, I
understand how good intentions can be easily sabotaged by daily realities.
Sometimes the new ideas and fresh perspectives can make all the difference
between having a house full of happiness or one full of stress. My thanks
to Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author of "The Good
Child Guide" for the following thoughts. Probably the simplest definition
of poor parenting is intolerance--being a parent who is more interested in
their own affairs than in the needs of their children. In the 60's, John
Bowlby did some work on looking into the impact of parenting on children.
He coined the phrase "good-enough" parenting. His premise was that if one
avoided bad parenting, one was doing okay and that children with their own
natural resilience would also do okay.
The research we have conducted at The ARKGroup has shown that good parenting involves being intentional in the love and care you give to your children. This commitment of "unconditional love" is the single most significant influence on a child's self-concept and is the key to that child living a life of meaningful fulfillment as a person of worth. I suspect that we all want to be more than just "good-enough" parents. I strongly believe that there are things we can do and attitudes we can adopt that will give our children the very best start to life they can possibly have. I hope the list that follows will make life more fulfilling for yourself and also for your children. 1). Recognize that you are human. You cannot do everything, be everywhere and know everything. You will make mistakes. The good news is that you can always reflect, ask questions and learn from what you did and decide on new approaches for the next time. By saying, "I can learn from my mistakes," by not beating yourself up, and by using forgiveness not only with your children but with yourself, all things are possible. 2). Recognize you are not the only influence on your children. Your kids are effected by grandparents, neighbors, peers, TV, magazines, teachers, other relatives and of course their genetic make-up. Your success as parents should be determined by whether you did the best you could with the information you had at the time. Never look at your life as results, but as your process and efforts. 3). Recognize that your children are not the center of the universe. We should always seek the best interest of our children, but we should also avoid creating a "me- first" generation where children grow up believing the world owes them a living. In the end you should seek to have your children understand that in making decisions, you considered the impact on the family as a whole. 4). Look to the long term. Many times we are faced with decisions which can offer quick fixes and short term solutions. Raising your children should be undertaken as a long-term process with many opportunities to do your best, do the right thing and to treat them with care. Much of your parenting will be seen by your children through the decision making and behaviors that you repeat in your everyday life day after day. Children learn by discipline that teaches them how to resolve their own challenges when the parent is not watching. 5). Look for the positives and stick to your principles. You and your child will make mistakes. By separating the person from their behavior and loving and caring for your child as a person of worth, new possibilities for parenting will arise. As you parent your children, look for what they did right. Correct mistakes gently and move on. Practice forgiveness of yourself and those around you. Take ideas and practices from others and read books to give you ideas. There will be times when you make decisions and you get challenged on them either by your kids or by others. Don't be afraid to stick to your principles. Your children will be watching you; watching how you deal with life's challenges, mistakes, decisions, how you cope with adversity, how you believe in yourself and stick up for yourself and your family. If you focus on unconditional love in all of this, you will make a significant difference in them. | |
Ways to Help Your Child Resolve Difficulties ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Whether or not
we face challenges is not our choice. Life challenges us at various
intervals whether we want to be challenged or not. Each of us must decide
to react without thinking or to make an intentional decision to deal with
our challenges using "unconditional care." Here are 6 simple steps that
can be utilized with toddlers through teenagers:
We would be interested in your suggestions, ideas, hopes, knowledge, experiences, plans and efforts about ways to make tomorrow even greater opportunities for our children's futures. | |
Your Child's Friendships As Affected By Self-Discipline ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Again, my thanks to Dr. Robert
Brooks, Ph.D. for these wonderful reflections. If you have not read it,
his newest book with Dr. Sam Goldstein, "Raising a Self-Disciplined Child:
Help your Child to Become More Responsible, Confident and Resilient "is a
must.
Dr. Brooks work has found that implementing self-discipline at a young age enables a child to negotate the maze of family, school, friends, and community more successfully than those who struggle with self-control. He goes on to say that effective self-discipline implies that a child has internalized a thoughtful, reflective manner with a set of rules, so that even without the presence of parents and teachers, the child will act in the interest of the group or others. Self-discipline is a vital component of a sense of ownership and responsibility for one's behavior. A lack of self-discipline impacts all areas of life, not the least of which is our interpersonal relationships. His example demonstrates the impact of a lack of self-discipline on a child who wanders a playground during recess. Intermittently he makes an attempt to join the activities of others. He approaches a group playing kick-ball, takes the ball and runs away. One of the other children pushes him and asks him to go away. He wanders off, feeling confused, angry and sad. The implications of Dr. Brooks research and study are many. His conclusions can call us all to become intentional in the lives of children. "If we are to enrich the lives of children who struggle with self-discipline, we must appreciate the impact that poor social skills, loneliness, rejection and anger have on a child's ability to gain self-control." At the ARKGroup, we are dedicated to education and processes that create networks of support and the opportunity for creativity through "new ideas" shared from the experiences of others that can impact our children's tomorrows. Our programs can make available a number of startegies in your parenting or teaching toolsets that will result in resilient, loved children whose lifestyles are characterized by feelings of compassion, satisfaction, happiness and fulfillment. Thank you for your commitment to what is possible and for your modeling of the BEST of life to your children and students | |
Consider These Gift Opportunities ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Consider These
Gift Opportunities in 2007.
Your support of The ARKGroup, Inc. creates possibilities in our churches, community centers, and public schools. If you have an opportunity, idea, challenge, or destiny to fulfill through helping children to grow into their full potential, please contact us. Together we can improve the quality of life in our communities--one child, one family, one classroom, one school at time. Helping other people lifts one's spirits and gives hope for the future. | |
Contact Information ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
email: wduffyark@sbcglobal.net
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