We welcome you to ARK's March Newsletter and seek your support of Mrs. Obama's GET MOVING emphasis on her "overeating and too little physical activity in America" campaign.

In addition to our encouraging all of the kids we work with to "Get Moving" physically, we invite you to "move forward" toward what promises to be exciting new relationships with your children. Truly, relationships provide the opportunities for educational expansions of horizons.

We are convinced that all of our children need adult support and encouragement, especially in those elementary years, to provide the model and mentoring on how to learn and accomplish simple tasks--like going to the library, discovering how to complete homework assignments, and appreciating the wonder of expressing themselves with stories.

One of the most important lesson an adult can share with kids is "how you find satisfaction" in experiencing the learning opportunities that life continually extends to us, if we are looking for them. We encourage you to join us as we "Get Moving" with our kids and students.

Glenn, Jan, Omega, Quintina, and I wish you the most wondrous opportunities and fulfillment in this month which is leading us to Spring and warmer weather.

This is the year for creating a world of creative, imaginative, and caring children. You are the difference and we at the ARKGroup can't wait to help.

Bill
William R. Duffy
National Executive Director
Lone Star College University Park, Houston, Texas.

Will begins by chiding the Massachusetts school where children in physical education jump ropes without using ropes. He says, "Those Massachusetts children are jumping rope without ropes because of a self-esteem obsession. The assumption is that thinking highly of oneself is a prerequisite for high achievement. That is why some children's soccer teams stopped counting goals (think of the damaged psyches of children who rarely scored) and shower trophies on everyone. No child at that Massachusetts school suffers damaged self- esteem by tripping on the jump rope."

Drawing insight from Po Bronson's and Ashley Merryman's book, NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, Wills says that "...the theory that praise, self-esteem and accomplishment increase in tandom is false." He takes particular aim at the parental tactic of constantly telling chldren how smart they are, thinking that the praise will stimulate intellectural achievement. Will says, "...children excessively praised for their intelligence become risk-averse in order to protect their reputations" and "overpraised chlildren are prone to cheating because they have not developed strategies for coping with failure."

I agree with George Will that Bronson and Merryman are "spot-on" with their contention that parents and teachers should concentrate on complimenting children's efforts rather than the results of those efforts. That belief is the primary teaching in our ARK Lesson on "Encouragement" and is one of the key elements in the new, research-based self-esteem theory developed by the ARKGroup. This research shows that "phantom praise" does not elevate a child's sense of self; to the contrary, it lowers a child's self-esteem.

To understand what I am saying in the previous paragraph, we need to unravel some of the false concepts many people hold regarding the term "self- esteem." You see, the term has been misused and, as a result has acquired a bad reputation over the past few years. What has happened is that the self-esteem movement mistakenly equated self-esteem with achievement and performance. It reached the point where some educators thought that, if a student could stand up in front of a science class and breathe hard enough to fog a mirror, the teacher should give the kid a certificate for high achievement. That's just plain silly. And, inasmuch as that is the common misperception regarding the term "self-esteem," it's no wonder that George Will and others are so critical of the concept. So, let's "out the truth" regarding self- esteem.....

THE TWO COMPONENTS OF A CHILD'S SELF-CONCEPT
The ARKGroup's research, conducted in cooperation with the University of Texas School of Public Health, reveals a new paradigm in regard to self-esteem theory. The old self-esteem theorists used the terms "self-worth" and "self-esteem" interchangeably, as if they are synonyms. The new research paints an entirely different picture. The over-all view that a child has of herself is the "self-concept," and a child's self-concept is composed of two very distinct elements: "self-worth" and "self-esteem."

SELF- WORTH
Self- worth is fueled by performance. It has to do with achieving. That much is easy to understand. Self-esteem, however, needs a little more explanation, and the University of Texas study provides a new, and much more accurate, understanding of the term.

SELF-ESTEEM
Self-esteem is not the result of a child's performance. It's the product of a child's receiving unconditional love, or committed caring, from an adult who is primary to that child's life. Whether that person is a parent, a teacher, a coach, or a counselor, it just takes one adult who will say to a child, "When you misbehave, I'll have to discipline your behavior. However, I really care about you; and, there is nothing you could ever do that would keep me from caring about you." This gift of unconditional love and caring allows a child to value herself in spite of her imperfections and is the key to high self-esteem.

The University of Texas research shows that self-worth (fueled by performance) contributes one-third to a person's self- concept. Self-esteem (fueled by unconditional love and committed caring) contributes two-thirds. So, while self- worth and performance are important, self-esteem and unconditional love and caring are twice as important in terms of their contribution to a person's concept of self.

Here's a crucial distinction between self- worth and self-esteem. A person's self-worth fluctuates with her performance, and she will have high self-worth when she does well and feelings of worthlessness when she fails. The good news about self-esteem is that a student can have high self-esteem whether she's performing well or not.

Now, back to George Will's article....

When we understand the true meaning of the concept "self- esteem," it casts the practice of praising and encouraging children in an entirely different light. In fact, the new self-esteem model calls for some new definitions regarding the ways in which we go about complimenting children.

Teachers and parents need to recognize that there is a difference between "encouragement" and "praise." Praise compliments the achievement itself while encouragement compliments the effort to achieve. Encouragement helps remove the fear of failure and gives a child the courage to forge ahead in spite of her mistakes. Praise, on the other hand, can be a source of discouragement inasmuch as a child can be led to believe that she is of value only if she achieves.

When misguided parents and teachers "heap on the praise" regarding their children's achievements , the result often is diminished self- esteem. Encouranging a child's efforts to achieve, however, can be a tremendous booster.

A girls' high school soccer team was playing in the finals for the state championship. They won by a score of 2-0. The goalkeeper had a brilliant game. When she came off the field, her coach told her, "As I watched you out there, I was reminded of all the hard work you've exerted in practice that enabled you to play like you did today. I am so proud of you!"

The next season, her team played in the state finals again. This time, their defense broke down, and the goalkeeper was like a target in a shooting gallery. They were beaten by a score of 10-1. When the goalkeeper came off the field that day, her coach said, "You never gave up. Through all the blood, sweat, and tears, you kept fighting. I'm so proud of you!"

In both instances, her encouraging coach complimented the goalkeeper's efforts rather than the end result; and the girl felt good about her participation in both games. That's the power of encouragement. As opposed to praise, it allows a child of any age to feel valued regardless of the outcome of the game in which he or she is participating.

So, Massachusetts, break out the ropes so your kids can enjoy the experience of jumping with them. And, for goodness sake, encourage them when they do!

...Dr. B. Glenn Wilkerson

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: Wow! A talking chicken!'"

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher.

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

"I've found every time I make a radical change, it has helped me feel more buoyant as an artist." - David Bowie

"You have to stand for what you believe in, and sometimes you have to stand alone." - Queen Latifah

"The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved--loved for ourselves, or, rather loved in spite of ourselves." - Victor Hugo

"Some succeed because they are destined to, but most succeed because they are determined to." - Henry Van Dyke

It comes from Myriam Baquero, who is the counselor at Clifton Early Childhood School in the Irving School District. Myriam was asked by her principal to write up her experiences with ARK for Parents and to submit it as her school's entry in the district's contest for excellence in education. Cliftom won first place and received the ICE ("Irving Celebration of Excellence") Award. The following is Myriam's letter to Jan Nelson in our DFW office:

Hello Jan,

I have great news for you. Our school received the ICE (Irving Celebration of Excellence) Award this year. This means we earned the first place award, which consisted of a crystal award, the certificate, and $1,000.00 for the school. The principal had asked me to submit the nomination for the ARK groups I held the previous school year.

Holding the ARK groups give parents the opportunity to normalize their experiences. They feel that they are not alone in dealing with their parenting issues and the groups provide support to their parenting efforts. Also, this process helps parents with their own self-esteem as they feel that they can contribute to help others in solving their problems. Due to these times of economic hardship and uncertainty for many families, I observe an increment of depression and anxiety in mothers and fathers that attend the groups. The ARK groups have been instrumental in assisting these parents to have a forum where to converse and alleviate some of their worries.

Thanks for your support and I hope to continue this partnership with the ARKGroup.

Please let us know of any venues where you think ARK can be placed and used to promote the well-being of children. Contact us!
Houston: Bill Duffy (National Executive Director) at wduffyark@sbcglobal.net (281-537-1301)
Dallas/Fort Worth: Jan Nelson (DFW Executive Director) at jnelsonark@sbcglobal.net (817-692-1929)

I quote: " Congress took a reasonable step in 1994 when it required states receiving federal education money to expel students who brought guns onto school property."
But we may want to consider that we may have overreacted. Most school districts have implemented a "No Tolerance" policy under which children are sometimes arrested for profanity, talking back, shoving matches and other behavior that was once handled and resolved with reasonable decisions using detention and/or meeting with parents.

The arrest-first policy has been disastrous. Many children have been processed through the juvenile justice system and have been caught up in a downward spiral that includes dropping out of school and, yes, jail. Is this what any of us want?

A new model has been adopted in Clayton County, Ga south of Atlanta. Juvenile officers met with schools, explained the dangers of criminalizing what is essential normal childhood behaviors, retrained school counselors and cooperated in developing a three strike process for minor offensive behavior. Juvenile court activity declined by 50%, graduation rates have risen each year and officials in Birmingham, Alabama, have adopted similar approaches.

We adults can identify injustice and work solutions to create a more caring place. Our children and neighborhood children deserve our best. Shall we "Get Moving!"

Just musing...
Bill

We encourage you to commit to renewal and growth with education and networking facilitated by the ARK Program DVDs: ARK for Teachers, ARK for Parents (faith-based and secular), ARK Facilitator Training, The ARK Group Process and an Introduction to ARK hosted by Pat Summerall. Order today at www.thearkgroup.org. The ARK Program has excellent lessons, DVD's, manuals, workbooks, texts and materials. They will equip you to provide life-changing ARK programs including breakthrough parenting and teaching "skills courses." With your help, we can make ARKRelationships the norm for the 21st century family, church, school and community.

Check out Liveunited.org now for even more insights regarding what can become possible when we get serious about assuring a basic education to all.